Children Better Off Without Me

Oh Dear One,

If you take your life, you will destroy your children's future. You are their parent and they need you now on so many more levels than you can imagine. If you were gone, through suicide, the chances that they would also at some point commit suicide is greater than 60 percent. They would think, "If this is how my parent coped, then this is how I should cope." That means your death could literally kill your kids. Believe me, if you're thinking about the insurance money your kids would get at your death, please understand that money isn't everything. Besides, suicide nulls insurance policy payoffs.

So, please quit thinking about death. I know that I would rather have my mom or dad instead of a million dollars. I know your kids feel the same way.

If you give up on life, you give up on so many possibilities and on so many people who need you. It may not 'seem' like this is true, but it is.

Think about this, if everything in 'your worst case scenerio' happened, God would have a plan that would enable things to turn around. But if you had already given up, if you were already gone, how would you ever discover God's plan for you? The enemy is trying to whisper death to you. Don't buy his lies. You've got a lot to live for. Whether you now realize it or not

If you allow life to keep you, one day, you will look back at this time and see how far down the road you've come. You will look at pride at your kids and see how they made it without insurance funds (that wouldn't be available to than anyway if you kill yourself.) You will see your children as young adults who have been spared the pain of your suicide. They will be better adjusted and they will live to face their problems successfully.

Life is not without problems, but God is with you. Even when it does not feel like it, God is with those with a broken heart. Quit looking at 'what might happen' and look up. Look up at a God who is smiling at you, who is saying, TRUST ME. I will get you through this difficult place. I have a plan for you. I'm going to take you someplace wonderful you couldn't have guessed.

Wait. Wait on God. In the meantime, if thoughts of suicide get too heavy, go to the hospital or call 911. Call your doctor as well.

You are going to make it!

Here are a few things I think God wants you to know:

  1. He loves you with an everlasting and tender love and he is grieved by your pain.
  2. He wants you to cast your burdens or pain on him. Try it today, ask God, through Jesus, to carry your heartache.
  3. He wants you to give him all the circumstances that have hurt you. When you do, he will be able to release you from much of the pain you are carrying.

I myself have had terrible circumstances in my life. When my baby was thrown out of a car during a violent car crash, she spent a year in coma. The doctors tried to get me to pull her plug and end her life. I was finally so distraught that I almost pulled her plug and my plug as well.

Finally, even though I didn't want to, I gave my daughter up to God. I came Him the circumstance she was in -- blind, on life support, unable to speak. When I did, He did not heal her, instead, he gradually began to heal my heart. It took a lot of time. Now, 15 years later, my daughter is still terribly disabled, but both our hearts are healed. My daughter is joyful and free of the heartaches of life. And so am I.

That can happen for you too. Someday you will smile.

Please, do not take your life. Please allow time and God to heal your heart. I know that you are hurting. But others have been where you are, and have walked, one step at a time, out of the darkness.

You will too. You are going to make it.

To read my story, click here.

Here's what I recommend to you:

  1. Ten.Days.of.Encouragement.SIGN.UP!
  2. We need other believers for encouragement. Find a church home. See if you can find a small Bible study of people in your age range. Call some of the bigger churches in your area and see if they have anything to offer for your age group. This could be a home Bible study or a Sunday school class.
  3. Listen to inspirational music. There's a lot of Christian music in different styles. Maybe you've got a great Christian radio station in your area or maybe you can find one on the web that plays a style of Christian music that speaks to you like http://www.klove.com/listen/. You can also go to a Christian bookstore and listen to their CDs until you find something that helps you to feel worshipful.
  4. Read the book, Purpose Driven Life. This is a great Bible study and you need to have the Word in your life every day.
  5. Take time to read the Bible. If you don't have a Bible, there are versions available on the web that you can download.

Don't do anything to harm yourself. You are so loved. Please give your situation time, please allow God time to move. He may be waiting for you to give in to Him, to say, God I will trust you, no matter what. Try trusting God and see what will happen.

Also, please go in for a medical checkup and tell your doctor about how you feel emotionally. Your doctor may have medications that can help you get over this 'bump' in the road.

Also, I highly recommend counseling. You may find a pastor in your church or other local church or some other professional who will understand and help you with your struggles.





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