Not sure I know God.
Ask yourself these questions:
1. Do I believe in God? 2. Do I believe God sent His son Jesus to earth to live a sinless life and to die on the cross, as payment for my sin? 3. Have I asked God to forgive me through the sacrifice of Jesus? 4. Have I totally given my life to God?
If all these things have come to pass, then you do have a relationship with God through Jesus. That entitles you to call out to Him, in Jesus' name. If they have not come to pass, take a moment to reflect and pray through each item on the list. Sometimes, however, when we are going through a very difficult time, it's hard to feel God's presence. That doesn't mean He's not there. It means that all the 'interference' in your life is keeping you from tuning in to His signal. He's still loving you, but He's waiting for you to give Him your burdens.
Pray this prayers:
Now, the good news is, whether or not the situations turn out the way we it to, God will turn it into a miracle. Romans 8:28 promises us that "All things work for the good of those who love the Lord, who are called according to His purpose."
Do you go to church anywhere? If not, find a church. Talk to the pastor and tell him how you are feeling. But most of all, hang in there, keep doing the next thing. I'm not promising that you will not have losses, but keep praying, seeking God, and His direction. Keep your head high in this storm and one day, it will pass. The sun will shine again. And this dark period of your life will be behind you. There is hope Jeremiah 29: 11 - 13 says "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,...plans to give you hope and a future.... You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
You are going to make it. I'm praying for you. God is going to see you through this dear one. Please, please do not do anything to hurt yourself. Wait on God. In the meantime, if thoughts of suicide get too heavy, go to the hospital or call 911. Call your doctor as well.
Here's what I recommend to you:
Don't do anything to harm yourself. You are so loved. Please give your situation time, please allow God time to move. He may be waiting for you to give in to Him, to say, God I will trust you, no matter what. Try trusting God and see what will happen.
Also, please go in for a medical checkup and tell your doctor about how you feel emotionally. Your doctor may have medications that can help you get over this 'bump' in the road.
Also, I highly recommend counseling. You may find a pastor in your church or other local church or some other professional who will understand and help you with your struggles.
WE ARE PRAYING FOR YOU!